7 Ways To Teach People How To Treat You Properly

According to experts, teaching people how to treat us is a process that involves setting boundaries, or ‘What is acceptable and unacceptable. It’s about knowing what we need and want and being able to communicate it adequately to others.’

So how can you teach others what you will and will not tolerate from them? Check out a few of the following tips to get started.

1. Start with yourself.

In teaching people how to treat you, don’t start with them. The beliefs you hold about who you are and how you treat yourself set the standard for the way others treat you. People can quickly learn how to treat you based on the behaviors you accept from them. 

2. Practice self-awareness.

Ask yourself the following questions:

• How do I treat myself?
• What do I value? 
• What do I want? 
• What do I think I deserve? 

Remember that you can’t always control what other people do. But you can, however, create a different reaction in other people if you change your response.

3. Talk about your ‘rules of engagement.’

We often expect that people should know how we want to be treated. But for everyone to be on the same page, they need to have access to the same instruction manual. Having a conversation, whether it’s with your friend, partner, or family member can clarify some of these rules. Your rules may be ‘no-name calling,’ ‘yelling during a conversation,’ or ‘taking a break when things get too heated.’

4. Communicate your needs clearly and compassionately.

We all think we’re great communicators. But if you tend to criticize, yell, or give people the silent treatment, not only is this ineffective, but it also hurts your relationship with that person. Practice assertive communication and boundary setting, where you learn to meet the needs of both people with words.  

Example: Rather than scream, ‘you never listen to me,’ it may be more helpful to say, ‘I feel alone right now, and I would be very grateful if I could have your undivided attention for 10 minutes’. 

In other words, we show people how to treat us when we can identify a specific need and express what that need is in a clear, understandable way. But if we use threats, pouting, or desperation, people don’t learn how we want to be treated. The message gets buried within the chaos and doesn’t get across to the other person.

5. Model how you’d like to be treated.

Be the person you want others to be. In other words, treat others the way you want them to treat you. So if you want your partner to be romantic and affectionate with you, practice doing that with them. If you want your kids to be kind to you, be kind to them. If you want others to listen to what you have to say, pay attention when they’re saying something. Focus your full, undivided attention on the person, ask questions to clarify, validate them, and be empathetic.

6. Reinforce the behaviors you like.

When someone makes an effort to change their behavior towards you, don’t forget to express appreciation. For example, you may say, ‘I appreciate you listening to me talk about my stressful day at work yesterday.’ You can reinforce someone’s behavior at the time, a few minutes later, a couple of hours later, or even the next day. There’s no rule on how many times you can reinforce positive behavior. 

7. Have realistic expectations.

Unfortunately, you can’t always teach people how to treat you in a day, a week, or a month. Just like learning a new skill, it can take weeks or even months to get someone to treat you the way you want to be treated. So remember to practice and be patient with yourself and another person.

And if you notice that after you start clarifying your needs and the things you will and will not tolerate that some people don’t stick around, you may need to ask yourself what’s in your best interest. A relationship or friendship at the cost of you, or creating space for the future relationships that you truly deserve?

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