How to Use Fear and Failure to Your Advantage

As women, we’re dealing with a heightened notion of fear of failure. The stakes are higher, so the failure is greater, right? Maybe, or maybe it’s all in your head. My life changed when I realized failure is not the opposite of success, it’s part of it.

Why We Fear Failure 

This could be an unpopular opinion but as women, we tend to hold ourselves to a higher standard. Men outnumber women in the work force by three to one. When we get opportunities, we have to make the most of it. With ambition comes a healthy fear of failure. It becomes a part of our mindset, because we constantly want to do better and prove to others and ourselves that we are not only worth, but capable.

Signs to Watch for 

Have you ever found yourself so afraid of failure that you don’t even try to go for something you really want? Fear of failure can stem from imposter syndrome, the feeling of not being good enough to actually have or achieve what you want. If you notice any of these signs, hit pause and reassess, or as Ice Cube put it, “check yourself, before you wreck yourself.” (I had to) 

•  Missing Opportunities 

If you’re talking yourself out of trying for something before you even start, this is an indicator fear has gone too far.

• Thinking Failure is Forever 

It’s not, let’s clear that up right now. Failure is a part of everyone’s life in some form or another. Having a fear of it ruining your life can keep you stuck where you don’t want to be. Like anything else, fear is not permanent. 

• Discouragement 

It’s possible you are willing to take big risks but have people around you talking you out of it. This can absolutely make things harder. If that’s the case, ask yourself if the people around you really have your best interest at heart. If the answer is yes and they still discourage you, make your own decision and tell them you love and respect them for looking out for you. If the answer is no, cut the loss and move on, boss babe.

How to Overcome Fear 

It all starts with your mindset. If you see fear as the enemy or your potential downfall, it’s likely to affect you in harsh ways. If you see it as something to make friends with and embrace and even more so, to anticipate, you will put yourself so far ahead of the pack on your path to success and happiness. Here’s how to woman up and make besties with fear.

• Get Clear about Goals 

You have to know what it is that really drives you before you can accurately asses whether or not something is worth the risk of failure. If it’s not really who you are or what you want, for example a parent or partner pushing you to get a college degree in business when you want to be an artist, then know when to say “no.”

• Manifest

Once you know your goals, visualize and manifest them as much as possible. Do this by saying daily affirmations, creating a vision board, and journaling about what it is you’re going after and why it’s worth it. When you constantly remind yourself what you’re going for, fear of failure significantly minimizes.

• Acknowledge and Learn 

Know that not everything will work out and sometimes, you will fail. Embrace and accept this early on and it will be less of a shock if and when it does happen. When it happens, know that it’s ok to feel disappointment and frustration but do not beat yourself up or allow yourself to wallow. Instead, ask yourself these questions:

• What are three positives about this?
• How can I grow from this?
• What did I learn?

Embrace your fears and get out there and fail. If you’re not failing…you might not be trying hard enough. 

You’ve got this. 

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If you struggle with anxious, self-critical, racing thoughts and consider yourself an overthinker then don’t worry..I’ve got you…Check out The Overthinking Toolkit.