How to Sit Comfortably with Uncertainty

Like the pandemic, for example. I don’t know about you, but a year ago if you told me this is where we would be as a planet, I would not have believed you. There’s a famous John Lennon quote that goes, “life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.”

He was right, you know. It can feel sometimes that no matter how much we plan, how good of intentions we have, that things will still go any way they want. Control is, in many ways, an illusion. While this may be anxiety-inducing, I’m here to lend some ways to make all of this more palatable. 

One of the most helpful tools for those having trouble accepting uncertainty is the adoption of the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy model (ACT), this model is my fave and teaches us all about:

• Accepting your reactions and being present
• Choosing a valued direction
• Taking action

When you follow this model you are giving yourself a healthy chance at accepting the unknown. The goal is not to altogether rid yourself of anxiety or discomfort when it comes to accepting the uncertain, but rather to learn to live with it and lessen the negative side effects. Those who do not accept things have a much more difficult time working through uncertainty.

CBT

When it all becomes just a little too much, one of the most helpful things you can do for yourself is look into CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). With the help of a therapist you can begin to work through: 

• Anxious thoughts
• Practice mindfulness skills
• Go over deeper fears and work through them
• Begin to understand and change thought and behavioral patterns

Avoid “shoulds”

When we are hit with uncertainty, it can be easy to default to what “should” or “should not” be happening. While it can feel comfortable and easy to slip into this mentality, it is damaging to our happiness in the long run. If we go through life attached to the idea that things ‘should’ or ‘must’ be a certain way, we are setting ourselves up for endless disappointment. The next time you feel inclined to tell yourself how something should or should not be, try the following instead:

• Know that while uncertainty is not ideal, it is a truth for everyone
• Instead of telling yourself you “can’t” handle something know that you can and will get through it
• Ask for help and support when you need it

It’s important to know that you cannot altogether rid yourself of anxiety. It is something we all experience to varying degrees. While there are therapies, skills, and if needed medications to help, know that anxiety is an important part of you. It is a built-in system to alert us when we are in danger or being overloaded with stress.

Find the silver lining 

There has been scientific research that shows the positive benefits of practicing gratitude and finding reasons to be positive. While there is such a thing as toxic positivity, I am here to promote more of a glass half full vibe. What that glass is half full of is entirely up to you (wink, wink). 

It is often the pursuit of happiness that makes us feel perpetually unhappy. Rather, when we accept that we will have a variety of emotions, we are most likely to handle each with a sense of happiness. When things get especially tough, look for the silver linings to help rewire your perspective for positivity.

Embrace the unknown 

Those who learn to embrace and even welcome the unknown will have a higher level of mindfulness and be better able to handle uncertainty. Part of embracing the unknown is tapping into your instincts. The better you are at understanding your inner mechanisms for intuition (gut instincts, in other words) the more confidence you will have. When you have this level of confidence, you will know that no matter what happens, you will be able to figure it out. You will have built up that trust in yourself and that, is all you need.

You’ve got this xx

If you struggle with anxious, self-critical, racing thoughts and consider yourself an overthinker then don’t worry..I’ve got you…Check out The Overthinking Toolkit.